Internal Tension

It's mid January, and in the midst of my busiest week here at Princeton thus far, a tragedy of enormous proportion occurred in Haiti.

I feel as if moments such as this life-shattering earthquake must cause us all to re-evaluate the purpose of our lives, and even though I know I am not well-equipped to be of aid at this desperate time in Haiti... a part of me wonders if I say that because I do not want to disrupt my life. Honestly, I would guess that we all deal with an internal tension regarding our desire to help and our inability to concieve of how our skill sets might be put to use.

I cannot deny that large machinery and medical aid seem the most important tools for saving lives at this point. However, I also possess skills of a relational nature...and in the coming months, perhaps those would be more useful? Gosh, it really tears me apart, since all the prayer in the world is only floating in the winds if people aren't prepared to answer those prayers on the ground...and yet as a theologian I understand that God can work miracles, that God often chooses to work miracles through those willing to help, and that in the midst of chaos, God' peace can reign. I know these truths, yet I cannot simply disregard the immense physical suffering by ascribing a spiritual quality to the events. What if the earthquake was in a coastal area of the US? My hope is I would feel no more or less desire to help regardless of the geographical location of suffering people.

I could ponder this internal tension for hours, yet I realize that with no immediate plan for how to help, I must continue with my life for the sake of the people I am around today who need a touch of comfort, a word of encouragement, or a smile of understanding. These past two weeks have been a blur...I continued recovering from my cold last week, while enjoying a few extra hours of rest...and this past Monday I hit the ground running by writing and more writing, reading and more reading. Whew, I can finally breathe this weekend, and my class requirements are over 1/2 done!

A bit about youth ministry- I am writing a paper regarding my own hermeneutic of ministry (based on prior experience) and what I hope for in my future ministry. It has been an interesting process, as I enjoy reflecting on my experiences quite a bit. I have realized that as much as my youth group moments helped form my spiritual devotion, my consistent involvement within the church family as a whole likely had an even greater and long-lasting effect upon my faith formation. Such is the basis for my envisioned model of intergenerational youth ministry.

I received my grades for last semester's classes, and I must say, I was quite pleased. I received one A, two A-, and a B! Total: 3.5 GPA for my first semester! This makes me happy. :)

On another note, upon returning to school after Xmas, I have been overwhelmed with realizing my many blessings here...great friends, talented faculty, faithful people, warmer weather, convenient accommodations, and technology to keep me connected with friends such as you! :)

My fiance AJ began his Master's Program simultaneously with my first week back to school, and it has been interesting to see how our time for talking is whittled away when we are both studying/ in class. However, less than 5 months and we shall be married...without this crazy long-distance business to deal with. Honestly, my busyness here is helpful to create distraction from missing AJ- primarily because I did not previously realize how much I could possibly miss him!

Next week I have my final few assignments due, a class presentation, and finishing my final paper! This will all be done on Friday, in time for my two dear HS friends to come visit during my week break! I will surely have pictures and stories to share from our time together.

One random detail before I wrap up this long-time-in-coming post. During the writing process for my paper in class, I soon realized that my blog-writing style is not exactly helpful for an academic paper. In my revising stage, I think I reworded at least five sentences where I used parenthesis (because, who of course doesn't love the random explanations inside parenthesis? Oh, professors). :)

Okay, here's to feeling torn about my blessings here in Princeton- and the atrocities of Haiti. May our God who is found when sought be found in the midst of the struggles in Haiti- and may our redeemer Jesus Christ be given arms and legs by people who provide comfort to those who are suffering.

All my love, in the midst of difficult questions,

Emily