Sinking slowly...

This may sound strange, coming from someone who is entirely blessed and excited about my future...but I feel as if I am slowly sinking into the dense quicksand of a new semester.

Despite the fact that my courseload is quite similar to last semester- same two jobs, same number of credits, same husband, same friends, pretty much same everything- I feel more, well, rushed somehow, as if I've stepped onto quicksand and must find my way out immediately. Only I'm not on my way out- I'm on my way in...

One explanation for the feeling I am currently experiencing might be my propensity to add more social events than is somehow sustainable. A few of these so-called "social" events have actually been altruistic in nature (hosting weekly meals at the house in Newark, serving at the senior citizen 'high tea' at church, volunteering to speak with a friend's youth group about the reservation, cutting someone's hair...yes, that's right. I said cutting someone's hair). Even so, they tend to whittle my time down to a few spare minutes here and there, during which I am suppose to be a student.

I say all that to mention how attentive I must become to my schedule so as to avoid the feeling of being overwhelmed. I've been truly overwhelmed before, particularly my senior year of college, and I vowed to never go back. The past few weeks I've been getting similar feelings of slight panic about my schedule, a clear sign I must prune. But the obvious question is- what? I enjoy everything I'm doing, and this semester's classes are quite interesting, so my reading is not only fun, but somewhat necessary for my well-being. I think I'm on to something though...we have been hosting A LOT lately at our apartment, which involves cleaning, cooking, more cleaning, and several hours of missed opportunity to be productive. If you know me, I of course think that hosting IS productive, so I'm speaking from both sides of my mouth, I guess.

I have a few other estimations regarding the reason behind my feelings of sinking slowly and the need to refocus my time...events have transpired recently to put my focus back on being a diligent student, and here they are!

1. I have officially applied to the joint program between PTS and Rutgers University through which I may receive a Masters of Social Work. I will not go into detail regarding this decision, but I will say that I am extremely excited about this opportunity to further my studies in the field of such practical ministry....It will only be one year extra, after which I will have received both my Masters of Divinity and my Masters of Social Work. Oh yeah- I know what some of you are saying (Katie...) that I'm deliberately being a professional student. Ha, this might be true, but for such a good price, why not? :):)

2. AJ has officially started his job with Whole Foods, where he is acquiring the skills of a meat-cutter professional! That's right, he works behind the meat counter- AND we get a 20 percept discount. :) This new addition to our lives means that our 'together time' will need to be much more intentional, but I guess we're facing what all couples face all the time....we were spoiled for 8 months of super-flexible schedules, and now we might have to actually...(gasp)...plan dates!

3. To top it all off, I have begun a class called "Sleep, Surrender, Sabbath" which has inspired me to focus on the amount of sleep I recieve and how I spend my time on a daily basis. Don't you think that's a little ironic- the week I start my "sleep" class I become extremely busy, and get a cold? Oh yeah- that's something else fogging my mind...I have a cold. First one since this past summer- is it also ironic that it's warmer outside today than is has been for several months?

Hmm, evidently I caught myself in a rather introspective mood today during my blogging moment. I hope you enjoy this somewhat murky post...complete with random tidbits and a slight amount of complaining. I really do know better, than to let myself sink slowly into the quicksand of life, sometimes I just need a reminder to rest myself on firmer ground.

May I seek to find my place of centeredness in the one true God that desires my complete trust. And I'd have to say that I do find peace amidst the chaos in knowing that God is in control, and my frantic human efforts really could be scaled back...who knows, it might even allow God to work in my weakness.

Here's to continually discovering new and frustrating parts of life, all with the deep and unfettered knowledge of a God who knows, loves, and cares for all of Creation- including me and you!

Emily